Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
