Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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