I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize