Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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