So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
