Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
