The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
