are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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