Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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