I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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