its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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