party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
