Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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