I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
