You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
