Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
