we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
