I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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