so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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