i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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