The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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