Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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