is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
