The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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