Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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