I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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