I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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