I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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