we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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