We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
not ubering you a puppy
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