That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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