OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
