then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my poor anus
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
