i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
