Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
