How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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