Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
