So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize