At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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