Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
