Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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