I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
