Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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