maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
