I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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