but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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