I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're too hungover to prance.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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