her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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