he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
