i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Send help, water and tortillas.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
