I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
