My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize