who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize