bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
