On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
