you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
