Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
