its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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