Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
