Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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