And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize