I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
