Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
