HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
