You made me cry and you don't even care
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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