guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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