Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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