I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
