Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
