and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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