This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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