How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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