Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
FUCK WHALES
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
