his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
