don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
